"I miss him"

("I miss him," sighed my dear sister-in-law as she hugged me, sharing succinct but a profound sigh of sorrow on Tues morning.)

It has been over a week since my dear father-in-law passed on.  I believe in my heart that he is with Jesus, most likely and hopefully in the Heavenly Banquet.  But of course, none of us will know for sure unless we can hear His voice or read other invisible signs from Heaven, until we can verify in Heaven....another reason to look to Him so I can say hello to my dear "Dad".

After my first job interview after my resignation at my recent job in early November, I hung out in Chippewa Falls too long.  As I was driving through downtown Chippewa Falls, shortly after 8 pm, I couldn't believe what I saw: a black bear leisurely crossing street.  I barely found myself to honk at it to alert it, which then ran parallel, and quickly climbed the fence to someone's house, probably.  I wasn't sure if I should call 911 to assure no residential fatality.  I was glad that I could resort to prayers and trust that God would send necessary angels.  Thus, after a long day, despite overcome by fatigue, I was able to stay awake for the most of over an hour of drive back home, thanking God for most of the snow melted.  How different this winter/early spring seemed compared to the last two winters.  I was actually enjoying the drive for the most part, able to pray long overdue rosary & even praising God with Francesca Battistelli's "If You're Honest".

As I approached Mom & Dad's I was torn. I knew that Dad was very imminent and I wanted to see him again, even though each time I left him during the past week or so I felt like I was saying Goodbye to him.  But I was very tired.  So I just drove on, feeling very guilty.  I remember so many signs during the past few days that it could be any moment:  early on Sunday morning after I was passing by after my 4 am adoration, I saw a deer standing by, as if looking over at Mom & Dad's porch window upstairs, near Dad's hospital bed.  It was surreal.

When I got home in darkness, because Brad would be with Mom & Dad, I barely had the energy to text Brad that I got home safely at 9:26 pm. He wrote at 9:30 pm:

Just so you know, dad is in really bad shape. The nurse thinks maybe only a couple more days. But seeing him tonight I wonder if he will make it through the night. Just so you know.

And I replied: "Ok." Then I felt I should add another line: "Call me if I should come over." - even though I'd rather just collapse in bed...which I did since I didn't hear any call/text from Brad.

Then around midnight I woke up, still tired, but better able to function.  At 12:37 am I texted Brad a couple of prayer messages from a friend and an interviewer earlier on Monday.  Then Brad responded at 12:43 AM:

Schola dear, dad has passed on now.  Say a prayer for his soul then get some sleep.  Colleen and I are waiting for the hospice nurse. Love you.

 Oh, how my heart was broken.  Dad is no longer here.  I couldn't believe what I read on my phone.  I regretted not stopping by to hold my Dad's hand one more time....  I thought I was ready, and I started to regret all that I haven't done more for him...

12:46AM:  Eternal rest grant unto Dad, Oh Lord,  Let perpetual light shine upon Dad, And may Dad rest in peace. Amen

12:47 AM:  I'm up fully awake. I'm coming over.

12:48 AM:  Be sure to sprinkle Holy water & continue praying for the respose of his soul.

1:10 AM:  Divine Mercy Chaplet

When I arrived, Mom was saying Goodbye to Dad.  She was so gracious.  I held Dad. His body was still warm, except for his hands, arms, legs, and feet...   Mr. Dave Jackan came with his staff and they were very respectable in gently taking his body away...